Emotional Roller Coaster

I love roller coasters. I always have enjoyed the thrill of the ride. However, I do not like emotional roller coasters. It's been quite a week and it's only Tuesday. I started with the happiness of being pregnant and feeling great - really starting to look forward to a sweet baby to hold.

Then, Sunday, I had a friend with preeclampsia who had to deliver her baby at 31 weeks. This sweet lady has had such a time trying to have a baby of her own - very difficult with various health issues and miscarriages. But, after over a day of waiting and praying, she did deliver her little girl and both Mommy and baby seem to be doing fine. HalleluYah!

Before that day was over, I started having signs of impending miscarriage. And, this morning, I awoke with really no doubt that a miscarriage is in progress. I think it's a tiny bit easier, since I more than halfway expected it from the beginning. But it's still heartbreaking.

I was at the place where I was perfectly content not having another baby. I have 7 children and I am 45 years old. I wasn't yearning for another baby as I have in the past. And, I know more people who have miscarried at 45 than who have carried to term at 45, so I had no desire to join that statistic.

But, I was pleasantly surprised when I got two pink lines on the pregnancy test. A little life growing inside me is a miracle that never grows old. And, as the weeks went by, I got more and more excited. I can't help but get excited at the prospect of a sweet new baby head to smell.

And yet, today, here I am resting in bed, waiting. I hate the waiting. The uncertainty of how this is actually going to play out. Even though this is my 3rd miscarriage, they still have a feeling of uncertainty about them.

I'm familiar with full term birth. I've delivered 7 of my own at home and been privileged to be present at several births besides my own. I know the stages. I know the end result. But with miscarriage, there are no stages. You're not quite sure when the baby will come or if you'll even know when it came. It's all too uncertain.

I'm not quite sure why God decided to bless us with another life for such a short time. I am thankful that He did But I am sad that I won't get to hold this little one in my arms and sniff its little head.

Eat to Live

Well, I'm up to seven weeks pregnant now. I know that's not a major feat usually, but each day that passes uneventfully makes me thankful. The thought of miscarriage is always in the back of my mind. Not just because of my two previous miscarriages, but also because of my age. I don't really worry about it, but the thought is still there.

But things are going really well. I feel great. I actually feel better than I did the last couple of pregnancies. I don't remember the pregnancies before that - too long ago I guess. LOL! I take the same supplements, so I don't think that's the reason I feel so good.

I'm thinking it's either the exercise or the Eat to Live diet, or both. I always exercised during pregnancies, but I am exercising more now than I did before.

And the Eat to Live diet had me feeling great before pregnancy. I didn't follow it stricly before I was pregnant, but I did follow it several days a week. I lost 40 pounds and I was just feeling all around good.

I don't follow it strictly right now as I don't think a vegan diet is a good idea period, but especially not when pregnnat. But I do base the beginning of my eating each day on one pound of cooked greens, one pound of raw greens, 4 servings of fruit and 1 cup of beans as a beginning. I don't limit any of the things the diet says to limit - nuts, avocadoes, etc. But I do strive to eat the minimums and then I allow myself to eat whatever suits my fancy. I don't often crave junk food, so that's not a problem. But I often eat cheese, eggs, grass fed beef and raw milk. Those are all no-nos on the ETL. I never considered them no-nos, but I don't limit them now, whereas I did limit them them before.

I feel great. I have lots of energy. I hardly ever even need a nap, which is amazing for me when I'm pregnant. I haven't gained any weight yet. I usually gain 5 pounds before I know I'm pregnant and then continue on from there. Anyway, whatever I'm doing seems to be working. I guess I better keep it up!