Changing Seasons

I’m seeing the realities of a new season in life – new seasons, really, because seasons are constantly changing. But, the reality right now is, my baby is 6, and, my oldest just earned his Bachelor’s degree. One thing about having a big family is that my kids cover a large span on the developmental spectrum of early childhood to young adulthood. 

  

Some seasons seem longer than others. Sometimes we feel like certain seasons will never end.  I spent many years in the newborn and baby season. That season where just when you’re ready to walk out the door, the baby poops, where someone needs your help to get dressed, to find their shoes, to take a bath, to have a snack, to wipe their nose, to open a door, to buckle their car seat, to go potty, to get a drink of water, to wipe their little rear end.  You never get a good night’s sleep – for years on end. You are always being touched and climbed on. Your body isn’t your own. You barely find time to take a shower. You don’t get to go to the bathroom by yourself. Even now, I only sometimes get to go to the bathroom by myself and I rarely get to shower uninterrupted. But, it's all worth it.

My season of having a baby did come to an end, and I actually sold my stroller! I had a stroller for 22 years! I mean, not the same stroller, but a stroller. That was a little weird for me. It actually sat in the garage for quite some time before I sold it. I couldn't bring myself to do it. It came in handy on day trips to a zoo or amusement park. But, I found it very freeing the first time we went to an amusement park without a stroller. We put what we needed in a backpack and got around very easily.

Baby season is over in our house. Even toddler and preschooler season is over. I’m disappointed with that and OK with it, all at the same time. I now have 6 self-sufficient (to one degree or another) kids at home and one who has been on his own for several years.  I love seeing them grow up and become responsible adults. I love seeing their different personalities and strengths.

As the seasons change, some things are easier and some things are harder. It’s all just different. Before I know it, my kids will be married and out on their own. (And, I’ll have grandkids!  Woohoo!) It doesn't make me sad that they’ll be moving on. I look at my adult kids and feel like they've grown up into awesome adults – adults I’d like to hang out with, adults that will make society a better place. My goal is to work myself out of a job as my kids become adults and embark on their own life. I see my relationship with my two oldest daughters transitioning from mom to friend. I will always be their mom, but they’re adults, and I want to be their friend - when they live in my house and when they move out. Before I know it, they will all be adults ready to conquer the world.

  

I still have years of little ones, and not-so-little ones filling my house with laughter and fighting and silliness and joy and arguing and … you get the picture. I do my best to enjoy the good times. We never know how long we have with anyone in this world, so I strive to make the most of the relationships I have. That’s what’s important. Relationship. Relationship with our Father and our Savior. Relationship with our Family. Relationship with our Friends. That’s what makes life worth living.

Family Closet

For years, we have had a family closet. I got this idea from the MOMYS list. I mentioned this in my post on laundry. Our family closet has varied depending on the space available and the number of children using it. We use it only for the youngest children. Right now, it’s the 3 youngest. It was the 4 youngest,  but when we rearranged recently, our 14 year old moved her clothes upstairs.

I like the family closet for a couple of reasons. When I kept clothes in the kids’ rooms, they didn’t take very good care of them. Instead of putting clean clothes away properly, they often ended up on the floor. Then, they got mixed up with the dirty clothes and I ended up getting unworn, clean clothes back in the laundry. I get really irritated when clean clothes end up in the laundry pile. And, it seems that clothes in the kids’ bedrooms are just a recipe for a mess. So, we keep the bedrooms for beds, the kids’ personal belongings and a few toys.

After I’ve washed and sorted the laundry, the big folks take their laundry to their bedroom. The littles put their clothes away in the family closet. We have an alcove in our garage that we are using for the family closet now. I will admit it doesn’t always stay clean. My wonderful husband helped the little guys clean up the area the other day. So, I took advantage of the cleaning job to take pictures for this post.

Each kid has two shelves to put their clothes on.  Or, at least they have the space of two shelves. One of them has bins on the floor in place of one shelf. Another has a basket/shelf combo area. As you can see, the shelves are also used for storing other household items, Costco paper goods, stuffed animals (finally, a place for the stuffed animals!), clothes to grow into, etc.

We have carabiners to hold the tzitzit collection. This works well because it’s easy to get the set they want, but, it closes so they don’t end up falling all over the floor. In case you’re wondering what I’m talking about, they wear these on their clothes – usually their belt loops. Numbers 15:39 says “you shall have the tzitzit that you may look upon it and remember all the commandments of Yahweh and do them.”  

We also have a hanging rack for their hanging clothes.

I love this black shelf. My husband got it for me when Borders Books was going out of business. It’s very sturdy and it rolls. We had it in the school room for a long time to hold school supplies. We didn’t need it in there anymore when we added built-in bookshelves. (That’s another blog post for another day.) So, now we’re using it for the baby doll and dress up clothes collection.

And, last, but not least, we have the baby dolls. Lots and lots of well loved baby dolls. 

We have mostly had our family closet in a varying configurations in the garage. Some people have it in their laundry room. Others have made a bedroom into the family closet. If you like the idea, be creative. You'll find a way to do it.

Musings of a MOMYS

I've been a part of the MOMYS (Mothers of Many Young Siblings) email list for many years now. Having a large family isn't easy in this society and it's not popular. Quite often when a MOMYS vents about how tired she is or how overwhelmed she is, all she gets is a reminder that she chose to have a large family and she should deal with it, but, that doesn't make her any less tired or overwhelmed. And, being tired or overwhelmed doesn't mean she loved her family any less or wishes she could change it . It's just a reality of mothering a big family.Sometimes all she needs is a listening ear or a tip on how to handle the day to day life of a large household.  The support I have received form this group over the years has been my lifeline so many times. A new MOMYS cookbook is being published and I was asked to contribute a little something the cookbook. Here is what I wrote:

Children teach us so much. When I had my first child, I began to better understand how incredibly much God loves me. I know He loves me infinitely more than I love my kids. But, to love my own child is a love I can’t express. It must be experienced to be understood.

I’ve been a mommy for a long time - twenty-three years, actually. I’ve been pregnant for 6 years of my life. I’ve nursed babies for 16 years of my life. I’ve homeschooled for 19 years and I have 12 to go. I’ve spent over 100 hours in labor and rejoiced as I brought each child into the world. I’ve kissed boo boos, held sick kids through the night, danced in the rain, searched frantically for a pacifier, laughed, cried, spent time in urgent care, celebrated over 100 birthdays, sniffed newborns, played hide and seek with a little person in plain sight, been thrown up on, pushed kids on swings, taught kids to read, felt like a failure, watched their face light up when they really understand 1s, 10s and 100s, graduated young adults from high school, responded innumerable times to “Mommy, watch me!”, been hugged by chubby toddler arms, wondered if I’m teaching them enough, walked and bounced countless hours trying to make baby happy, rejoiced with a child when they accomplished something new, forgotten to pack diapers in the diaper bag, leaked breastmilk all over my shirt for months on end, enjoyed a newborn cry, endured a newborn cry, delighted in baby laughter, taught kids not to whine, peed with an audience, showered with an audience, tickled tiny knees, played one too many rounds of Candyland, had my lap filled with kids of all ages and sizes, been discouraged, been encouraged, been drained and been rejuvenated, all because I am filled with an inexplicable love for these people who started out doing nothing more than eating, sleeping, crying and pooping and are in the process of growing up - each into a unique creation, each one so different and each one so awesome.

All those experiences and so much more, the good and the bad, have taught me numerous lessons and made me the person I am today. Being a mommy is hard work. It requires a constant giving of yourself. I’ve found that I wished I balanced just a little bit more of taking care of me, mostly because I’m overweight and out of shape…and I wish I’d spent a few more hours scrapbooking. And, I think a little more hubby and me time would have been good. But, that’s about it. I don’t wish I’d spent more time mopping the floor or drilling math facts or diagramming sentences or going shopping or going out with my friends or dusting the furniture or running the kids to endless activities. I do wish I’d spent more time enjoying the moment, because, those moments are fleeting.

I am thankful for all the minutes, hours, days and weeks I’ve had with these children. And, I am thankful for the support and sacrifice of my husband, Jim. He works hard to support us so I can stay home with the kids and we can have the freedom to homeschool. Mostly, I am thankful that God blessed me with the knowledge of Him and has allowed me to share His eternal values with my family, my heritage.

Missi – MOMYS to 7, plus 5 bonus kids

How Did I Manage Quiet Time in the Chaos of Small Children?

Sometimes I'm not even sure of the answer to that question. It's all kind of a blur. I read this blog post the other day and it really had me thinking.  She states the realities of mothering a newborn so well. I thought about how it’s not just newborns, It also applies to toddlers and preschoolers. Mothering young children is a tough job, yet, it’s also full of rewards.

As you’re going through it, you’re exhausted. Sometimes you’re tired beyond belief and you feel like you’re never going to get enough sleep again for as long as you live.  Sometimes, the thought of changing one more diaper is enough to push you over the edge. The thought of refereeing one more round of “she touched me” is enough to make you insane. Being on call 24/7 is overwhelming and exhausting. Even so, the joy of the little things they say or those chubby arms wrapped around your neck is all the payment you need.

  

 When you’re in the trenches it feels like you’ll never make it through. It’s only a season, but it’s a long season – longer for some, than for others. For me, it was about 20 years. Sure, I longed to go places and yearned to do things that just weren’t feasible with little ones in tow. Sometimes I was desperate for a moment to myself, but that wasn’t feasible, either. I mean, really, I’m just now getting to the point where I can go potty by myself; although, showering without interruption is still a few years off, it seems.

 

One thing that is difficult to figure out is how to have quiet time with God when there are little ones running you ragged. Having a half hour or more of quiet time with God is great, but, as babies came along, I started to wonder how on earth I would accomplish that. I know there are moms that wake up early to get that quiet time in. But, with my kids, it seems like no matter what time I woke up, someone woke up with me. I usually tried to stay up late, but often I was too exhausted after the little ones went to bed.

This was compounded by the fact that I could rarely listen to a sermon or teaching of any kind because I had little people to run after and mommy duties to take care of, whether I was at home or sitting in the wiggle room at congregation. This was my season for noise and interruptions, not for sitting and spending long hours studying the Bible. But, I also realized that God knows exactly what it’s like to take care of a baby. He is the one who created them, after all. So, He wasn’t surprised that I found it difficult to devote long periods of time to Him.

There were days that I wished to have hours for quiet time. The thought of sitting and listening to a sermon was just a dream. And, I’m sure there are many days that I complained to my friends that my husband didn’t cover my motherly duties enough. But, when it comes down to it, that’s not his job. If I have an infant or toddler, they basically are attached to me wherever I go. Daddy spent time with them and gave me a break now and then, but, the everyday responsibilities belonged to me. I didn’t expect him to take care of the baby after he came home from a long day’s work. I never thought he should be caring for baby while I did in-depth Bible study or listened to a sermon. It is better that he should be listening and learning and growing so he can lead the family.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mean Dad’s should be hands off, by any means. It’s great when Daddy gives Mommy a much needed break. But, generally speaking, Mommy duties are mine. God equipped me to take care of baby - simple as that. This was not my season to dig deeper into scripture on a daily basis. It wasn’t my season to let Daddy hold the baby while I listened to a teaching or sat in on a sermon. God instituted the family. He made the man head over his wife. The husband is the spiritual leader. God put this in place so the man can lead his wife and children. I think God had it figured out pretty well by not putting the spiritual leader of the family in charge of baby duties. 

This is not to say I shouldn’t have my own quiet time. But, it looked different when I had a little one (or little ones). I prayed throughout the day whenever a prayer need popped into my head. I could certainly find a spare minute or 2 or 3 to talk to Him. Talking to him was often interrupted by littles, but the same was true of any conversation.  At night, when I woke up to nurse baby, I would talk with my Abba. When they got older, they could sit in on my prayer time and maybe add a prayer

of their own.

I could devote 5 minutes at a time to read a Bible passage. If the Bible was out and open, it was that much easier. And, usually in the evening, after they were all in bed, I spent some time studying a topic of interest or working on my Bible study lesson. Realistically, my lesson wasn’t always done when I went to Bible study, but it was done sometimes. And, if I prioritized properly, I managed to spend quality time with God, at least in small bits.

For me, that seemingly endless season is winding down. My baby is 6, and a mature 6, at that. She is mostly self-reliant. As I transition out of mothering little ones, my time with God changes, as well. It’s such a blessing that He knows our life and understands our limitations. And, He equips us to do what He has given us to do.

Conquering Mt. Washmore

Being a mom of many, I have definitely had my moments (OK, maybe years, not moments) of never being caught up on laundry; or, of having a permanent large pile of clean laundry on my bedroom floor. It never seemed to get folded and put away. We would just rummage through it when we needed something. But, the laundry was always out of control and it drove me nuts!! After much trial and error, I have come up with a solution that has been working well for over 10 years now.

Basically, I wash all the clothes twice a week. Monday and Thursday work best for me.  I don’t have kids wash their own clothes for a few reasons; although, they do help me when I need it. I don’t mind doing the laundry myself. As I do it, I can make sure the clothes are in good condition and pull out any torn or outgrown clothes, etc. I also don’t want to compete for time in the washing machine if others in the house are trying to do their own laundry. And, I don’t want people running tiny loads of laundry when I can fill up the washer.

We have several spots where we collect dirty clothes – one in the garage, where we keep all the younger kids’ clothes, one in the master bedroom and one in the kids’ bathroom upstairs. In the morning, I have the kids round up the dirty clothes and take them to the garage.  I sort them into piles by color. I know many people that don’t separate their colors, but I like to do my best to keep the colors from becoming muddy, hoping to be a good steward of the clothing God has given us. In the picture below, I have 5 piles of regular laundry. Behind those, I have a basket of cold water wash, which I usually only do once a week.

My laundry room isn’t very large and it has 2 doors and cupboards that open onto it, so keeping  anything on the floor in the laundry room doesn’t work well. Since my garage is just outside the laundry room, it’s a good place to sort the clothes. When a load comes out of the dryer, I take it back to the garage where I have an area set up for laundry.  The setup has varied over the years, depending on the space in the garage and on how many kids I am doing laundry for. This is our basic setup now. Each kid has a basket of their own, and I use one basket for my husband and me.

I set the basket of freshly cleaned clothes on the table and start sorting.  The upper shelf is for the older kids. The basket on the far left of that shelf is giveaways. So, when things are outgrown, they go into that basket. (I used to have a whole system for storing outgrown clothes to save them for the next child, but we don’t need that anymore.) My basket is on the left of the table. And, the younger kids’ baskets are under the table. I simply pull a piece of clothing out of basket and put it in the basket of the person who owns that item. If it goes in my basket, I fold it first. The blue basket on the floor in the picture is socks. I throw all socks in there and everyone finds their own. (Although, last week I did attempt sorting socks into each basket again. We’ll see if that lasts.)

Simple as that – as each basket comes from the laundry room, I sort it. I rarely let the baskets of clean clothes pile up. This way, when the kids say “Mom, have you seen my (insert specific item of clothing here)” I can either tell them I remember washing it and it’s in their clean clothes basket. Or, I might tell them it’s in a certain dirty clothes pile. And, of course, there are those times when I don’t know where their missing clothing is. (As a matter of fact, right now, two kids are looking for their rock climbing shirts in the dirty clothes pile.)

To help me sort clean clothes, each child is assigned a certain number of dots. For instance, my oldest daughter gets one dot put on the tag of her clothing. My second daughter gets two dots, and so on. One thing I would change to this system is that I would not do a 1, 2, 3 dot for the boys and a 1,2,3 dot for the girls, basically because, in my case, a boy/girl of similar size ends up with the same number of dots. Usually that’s not a problem, but when we get matching shirts from Sukkot or theater, it’s hard to tell whose is whose. But, we’re too far into the dot system to change it now.

As we get new clothes, we put on the dots before they enter the clothing collection. When clothing gets handed down from one child to the next, we just add a dot. Simple as that. And, it makes sorting laundry so much easier for me!

After the laundry is sorted, each person is in charge of putting away their own laundry. When my children were smaller, and we used the big kid/little kid buddy system, big kids were in charge of putting away their little buddy’s laundry or helping them put it away, depending on the age of the little buddy. But, since my littlest is 6, she is old enough to put away her own laundry. So, everyone does their own. This way, even when clean clothes haven’t been put away in a timely manner, we can still find what we need pretty easily.

In between clothes washing days, I wash towels, sheets and any other miscellaneous stuff that needs to be washed. And, I usually take the weekend off from laundry.

Communion

I've had a blessed Sabbath today – unlike any I can remember.  It all started with Jim registering for a weekend training in Las Vegas.  After he reserved his hotel room, he mentioned that I should go with him to enjoy the room since he would only be there at night.  After a little coaxing from him, and the older girls saying I should go, I decided to go with him. 

I don’t like Las Vegas.  I don’t like the strip.  I don’t like the city. I don’t like gambling.  And, I don’t like the heat. But I knew I would appreciate having some quiet, alone time (in an air conditioned room).  I love alone time.  I always have.  And, with 6 kids at home, it’s not something I get much of. That’s not a problem for me. I just enjoy the snippets of quiet time I do get.  But, I thought this trip to Las Vegas was a great opportunity for a mini-retreat.

So, today, I have been alone in a hotel room all day.  And, today is Shabbat.  So, I’m not going to do normal, everyday things. I’m not going to watch movies or do paperwork or go shopping (that’s another thing I don’t really like, anyway) or do an hour on the elliptical. It’s a day to rest and spend time with our Creator.  And, today it’s just Him and me.  I started by sleeping until almost 10:00, since it is a day of rest.  I think that’s the 2^nd time I’ve done that in the last 20 years, so that was a treat. I read the Bible. I practiced praise dancing, since this room has a little 6x6 foot square just big enough for one dancer. And, I watched a teaching that I had on my to-do list for weeks, but hadn’t gotten around to watching.

http://vimeo.com/40825903

Ironically, this teaching was about communion.  Not about taking communion.  Not about eating the bread and drinking the wine.  But, about having communion with God. About regularly setting aside time to have communion with Him.  Why is that ironic?  Because watching the teaching has been on my to-do list for weeks and I can see that my time of communion is often put on the back burner just like that teaching.

To think that He’s there ready and willing to meet with us whenever we want and we put Him on the back burner!  In our busy lives, we have too many things that take priority over Him. And, often, when we do spend time with Him, it’s in a rushed, distracted sort of way.  We combine time with Him with other things.  And, I realized that I need to change that.  I need to get back to time of communion with Him.

I’ve been through a long season - 20 years of baby/toddler in the house.  It was a blessed season, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. But, that’s a whole different life and it’s hard to find time for communion when you’re living in that season.  (It's also hard to find time to take a shower or even go to the bathroom by yourself, but that's a whole different subject.:)) I’m not making excuses or saying that making communion a low priority is OK when you have little ones. I’m just saying that it’s much harder in that season of life. That’s reality. And, for me, that season was much longer than for most people I know.

So, here I am with my baby 4 ½.  I can easily set aside a time each day for communion.  And, I need to do that.  I’m off to a good start with my mini retreat here today. (I should do this more often, actually. But, that’s a different topic.) I’ve spent most of the day in communion.  And, I have a chance to be still and know that He is God.  I don’t often get that chance, because even when I’m still, the kids around me aren’t. J So, He has to talk louder so I can hear Him.  But, I’m ready to listen.  And, I’m ready to make communion a higher priority in my daily life.

Seasons of Life

I’m entering a new season in life.  I took a shower by myself today with no interruptions.  Well, actually, that’s not true.  I had one kid come in and ask me a question while I was showering.  That’s pretty impressive, actually.  I’m used to answering several questions and refereeing several fights while I’m in the shower.  It’s just part of being a mom.  But, the interruptions are becoming fewer and farther between.  Apparently, it goes along with the kids growing up. 

My oldest is out of the house. My youngest is 3 and rather independent.  And, for the first time in 21 years, I have a 3 year old and no baby. So, I was thinking about the things I can do now that the kids are growing up.  I can get an hour-long workout in the garage without complete chaos breaking loose in the house.  I can run to the store by myself without someone crying at the door, “Mommy, don’t go!”  I can get an evening of quiet time at The Coffee Bean.  I can go out to lunch with my husband or a friend with no phone calls.  I can even stay upstairs when I wake up in the morning and start my day with prayer and Bible study. I’m learning to enjoy the simple pleasures of my season.